Wonder

​I still wonder, the days of my past.

Where the whiskey smelled and you  smiled, where I was less of story teller more of story maker.

When my skin brushed aganist you and wonder what would I do if not be with you? 

The wine stains on my favorite shirt when you broke my heart and cigarettes burns on my table cloth, answer my loneliness in less cruel ways.

And, I wonder what would I be doing if i was with you at this moment.

Broken down, inked your name, 

Kissed my whiskey, tasted your vein.

I mix the the drop of your blood in every glass as your dead body sleeps beneath my bed and bar.

I so wonder, if you would’ve stayed alive now but,

The betrayed kept aching my heart, my walls heard my cries but you never answered my calls.

My body stays awake and my brain goes to sleep. 

You will be around me, now and forever. 

Whether just adding drops of your blood in my glass of shots or

Just staying awake with my midnight thought.

I still wonder, what would us be doing 

If I wasn’t the who murdered your guts.

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Ravan

​The Ravan, as portrayed wasnt that bad, 

He had all his faces out in front of the whole crowd, all his true colours.

If he had the strength to kidnap sita, He also was a man of his words of not touching her even though, he could’ve.

It was Ram’s potential to have her Sita back but, It was the Ravan, man enough to not to do any wrong means to her. 

If the story is compared, even though Ravan’s still exist the Ravan now aren’t even worth calling Ravan, because they’re worst.

I am

​Yes, 

I’m the guy who can’t take his shirt off,

I’m the guy who abuses and swears as if its my mother tongue.

I’m the guy who has grown above judgements and taunts.

I’m the guy who has seen and been through breakups. 

I’m the guy who has begged to save relations.

I’m the guy who has tried to make people smile even, If I was bleeding.

I’m the guy who has lived in shadows and in brightness.

I’m the guy who pulls jokes on you and let you pull jokes on me. 

I’m the guy who would agree to have a caring heart which is buried deep down.

I’m the guy who has cold soul and hot head

I’m the guy who flunks, gets back up and passes the test.

I have never said, I don’t hurt or stuff. I do, I’m a human but,I hold the power to overcome where I fuck up and destroy whoever fucks me up.

I’m the guy, who is not going to change, I’m going to be meYes, 

I’m the guy who can’t take his shirt off,

I’m the guy who abuses and swears as its my mother tongue.

I’m the guy who has grown above judgements and taunts.

I’m the guy who has seen and been through breakups. 

I’m the guy who has begged to save relations.

I’m the guy who has tried to make people smile even, If I was bleeding.

I’m the guy who has lived in shadows and in brightness.

I’m the guy who pulls jokes on you and let you pull jokes on me. 

I’m the guy who would agree to have a caring heart which is buried deep down.

I’m the guy who is cold and hot, 

I’m the guy who flunks, gets back up and passes the test.

I’m the guy who can never set his hair.

I’m just a guy who has all the fuss about him.. 

I have never said, I don’t hurt or stuff. I do, I’m a human but,I hold the power to overcome where I fuck up and destroy whoever fucks me up.

I’m the guy, who is not going to change, I’m going to be me, proud of my body and the way I look, laughing in your face, shinning in every case and running every race life puts me in. Never quitting, that’s my word, dawg! 

What Is The “Gay Lifestyle”?

quiteirregular

Hillsong Church have recently brought out a press release denying that they let gay people take leadership positions in their organisation. There was a report that they had an openly gay choir director, apparently, and they’ve been at pains to deny that gay people can be part of their leadership team. Leaving aside the extraordinary spectacle of a church hurrying into print because they’re worried people think they don’t discriminate against gay people enough, there’s a particular phrase they used which caught attention. “Gay lifestyle”. It appears a lot in discussions of sexuality in British and American Christianity, and it needs some careful scrutiny.

On the positive side, I can see that “lifestyle” might be a helpful way to organise a theology of the body which does not focus obsessively on “genital acts”, to use the prurient term which has had too much airing in Anglican discussions of sexuality…

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After Life.

I could’ve been what I wanted to be maybe a soul to a body, hand to a needy, but I guess it all have changed with time I myself Feel lost. I have friends I have people I can run up to but that’s not how I like to feel, I like feeling myself as I have no one to run up to I’ve trust issues I may know you from past 7 years but I’d think 100 times before I take a step with you. If struggle is way through ones life I feel I’m not loyal to my life. Been digging myself out of the grave every morning. I look happy but I have deepest part of me buried and it wakes up when world falls a sleep. I don’t know why I’m writing this random lines drawing paint in words describing myself or even it can be a suicide note before I start Opening gate for my after life. But was it all worth? The pain? Insane if this is all life offers me why was I born? Am I just a part of some fucked up cult?

Or here for a reason? Here to make this world realise the man who offers love is the loneliest of all. I know there are people even worst Condition than mine but I guess I’m just too weak to get back up this time. I can go on and on.. But for today I’m ending this here dropping my pen taking last sip of my whiskey wishing i don’t wake up tomorrow.